Dear Ones…

OH.MY.GOD.

(Take a deep breath Maitri.)

Though this is of course just a first draft, and everything is subject to change, this weekend — with the amazing help, support, and inspiration of one of my dearest friends, the amazing artist Noreen Crone-Findlay — I finally figured out how I could format the book, and I did, and I did the first illustrated page today (several other pages that are just text too but those aren’t interesting to look at!). I have spent the entire day formatting the book, writing the text for the first image, and drawing and painting the image and finally putting image and text together. Now, again, first draft, but once begun there is, I can assure you, no stopping me! That is just simply the way that I work. It can be a VERY long labor and birthing process, but once I’ve got the format I go ALL OUT, I am ALL IN doing the work,

This has been such a long time coming. Such a very long time. A whole lifetime. It’s not just that I have been drawing and painting Maisie for 2 years but this book is fantasy/fiction/memoir and comes out of a whole lifetime as a woman who has suffered and survived much, and who is an artist/writer/illustrator/storyteller/magic-maker and more. And WHOA I have made a number of decisions today.

First of all, beyond being deeply committed, in an ALL OUT sort of way to doing this book, my next commitment is to my Patrons at Patreon who have been supporting me, loving me, holding me up when I was falling down, and cheering me on for 6 months now. When I was at the point of collapse, in tears, terrified, and doubted myself, they cheered me on. So, #1. I will be working on the book, and #2, I will be dedicating my life and time to my Patrons on Patreon. And I want you to know this…

It is a very scary thing to ask for help via starting a Patreon community but do you know what? I know this is “just a blog” but I have done it for nearly 15 years, have over 2 million, 30,000 visits or so, have spent my life helping people, which I LOVED, and want to do, and because I am so transparent about my mental health struggles people have written to me to tell me that a blog post pulled them back from the brink of suicide, or inspired them simply to get up out of bed in the morning, and so much more, and yet, very rarely has anyone left even a small tip in the tip jar. Now, this is a VERY hard thing for me to say, but I am done giving my work away for free. I am a disabled senior citizen living on social security and I need the income, hence having started Patreon. I have, in the way that is said today, “Put my work (at least most of it) “behind a pay wall.” I am getting older and we all only have so much life left on this planet and I am deeply committed to helping people and doing work from the heart that matters, and while I know the current paradigm seems to mean that you get things for free on the internet, and, I am SO grateful for all of you, and I am SO grateful for the ability to get my work out worldwide on the internet, but I am just not willing to give it away for free anymore. I will post here and there publicly on this blog, and social media, but most of my work will go on Patreon, and there will be a lot! I offer some very special content for those who join at the $5 a month tier, at the $10 a month tier I not only share a boatload of material via posts, photographs, videos and more, but Tier 2 people, for $10 a month, will see every page of this book being created. Tier 3 is the Zoom meeting which happens every week on Monday nights to build a community, and the new 4th Tier allows people to download Maisie’s art AND they will be able to download completed chapters of the book in process as they are finished. I am giving a lot there, my whole heart, mind, body and soul, and I badly need the financial support but also want to GIVE SUPPORT to women who need it to achieve their own dreams.

And you know what else? And I am smiling as I write this. When you get to be an old lady you have earned the right to say NO to things that just don’t work for you anymore. I have been doing my Sunday Afternoon With Maitri videos for months now but very few people are watching them, nobody leaves a tip in the “tip jar” or joins Patreon because they liked the videos and you know what? That’s just fine. We try things, and we have hope in our heart, and we give it our all, but I am here to tell you that at nearly 67 with a pile of work to do I no longer have the time to do things that do not create income. If what I do has value to people a tip in the tip jar on this site once in awhile (Lower right column under the 3 hearts) would mean a lot and help keep me going here. I understand some people can’t afford to but some people can, and I appreciate the support if my work has helped you or meant something to you. Anyway, as of today, I will not being doing anymore Sunday Afternoon videos.

I tremble a bit worrying that this sounds too harsh, and I know it doesn’t fit with the way people see the internet these days, but I need the income and am willing to work really hard and give my heart and soul to people who value what I do, even just to leave a comment after a post. I fear I will lose followers for saying this and that makes me sad but seriously, I only have so much energy, and the work I do means the world to me, and I give a lot, and I need for it to matter.

I send the deepest, most gracious thanks to those of you who support me, in any way that you can, and I will continue to be here a few times a week, mainly on Sunday, and I will be giving a whole lot on Patreon. I would love to have you there. It is a women only community because that is the way I feel safe having lived through a childhood of abuse — I’m sorry to all the sweet gentlemen out there, but I can only do what I can do — and so now I will take a deep dive into creating Maisie’s book and will spend my days writing, drawing, and painting and sharing it with my Patrons at Patreon. We all make hard decisions to survive. This is mine.

Blessings and Love, always and always…