The Experiment: Day 72 ~ The Absolute Joy Of Spending Time With Our Adult Children…

My middle child, Rachel, and I when we
went to the movies yesterday!

I cannot write about my children without thinking about the poem that I have held in my heart since before I became a mother in 1977.  It is Kahlil Gibran, from his amazing book, The Prophet, “On Children.” Everyone should have a copy of this book, should read it and study it and know it. Listen to this…

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

And I was saying to a friend this morning that when I was a young mother I loved my babies so much and it made me so sad how fast they were growing, I loved the days with the little ones so much, but all too soon it seems they are teens, then off to college, and then married and yes, having children of their own. Where do the years go?

But the amazing thing to me is that as much as I loved my babies, Jennifer Elizabeth (Born 1/30/77), Rachel Noelle (Born 12/16/79), and Aaron Michael (Born 6/2/83), I love them even more, now. I am so proud of the adults they have grown into, the people they have become. And they all have children, I am a grandmother to 4 boys from 18 months to 13 years old, and oh my, that’s a whole ‘nother post, the joys of being a grandmother! Rachel is my only child who lives here, Jenny is in Chicago with her family and Aaron in Atlanta with his, but the out-of-towners will be here for Christmas and I am almost out of my mind with joy! Christmas with all the children and their children is such a tremendous joy and seeing the babies open their presents just makes the day.

And one of the things I count among my greatest blessings is that I have at least one child who lives here. I get to spend a lot of time with Rachel, and share her life with her. As I said in the post yesterday we get together almost weekly and we watch our favorite show, “This Is Us.” And yesterday we went to the movies to see the new movie, “Lady Bird,” it was charming, and when she got there I said, “Look! A Photo Booth! We HAVE to do it!” And she said yes! And it was so much fun. And it’s nice because they make 2 identical strips of photos so you can each have one. I have mine hanging here from my desk light so I can look at it all the time.

And the thing is, throughout life you will see your adult children go through all manner of experiences, the great joys, the babies, their work, their sorrows, and more, and you will soar with them through the joys and you will be present for them to help in any way possible during the hard times, but we must remember that we are here as parents of adults to be present, and loving, and supportive, but that they are “The sons and daughters of life longing for itself… they come through us, not to us…” We are a witness to their lives, and though we would love to be very close and in the middle of everything this is not possible. Present and loving, in any way we can be, that’s our job, nothing more, nothing less. I am here, I adore them, I watch in wonder as they create their own lives, do good work in the world, and triumph over the hard times. I want to make everything perfect for them all the time but I can’t, that is not my job, as hard as that is at times, I can only be here and love them, and I love them to the moon and back and more.

Yesterday was such a sweet day with Rachel, and oh I’m so excited I’m about to pop knowing that in just about 3 weeks or so the other kids and their families will be here. This is Christmas to me, family, not the presents and all the flashy things, my children and their families, and love, and kissing and squeezing all the grands, and just being together.

Being a mother is the most important thing to me in my life, I am richly blessed by my children and their children and their families. This Christmas season as I count all of my many blessings these are the ones I count first and most and I thank God for them every day.

May you and yours have a wonderful holiday season. And hug them tight, and kiss and squeeze the babies, and love them fiercely, no matter where life has brought them, and celebrate all that they are, all that they have become. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are Christmas is about a new baby born to loving parents in a very humble setting. It is about family, it is about love, and I wish all of you the most joyous, love-filled Christmas ever. And if you don’t have children perhaps you can “adopt” a lonely child who needs an Auntie or Uncle, or Grandma or Grandpa. Reach out to the children and you will be in touch, once again, with the meaning of this holiday. And there are wonderful charities that make Christmas for children and families that otherwise wouldn’t have one. Even donating to them can make your Christmas more special.

Each one, reach one, and love, always love. May you be richly blessed this Christmas, and always…

 


The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: 
Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda

Make this the year your resolutions come true!

Make this the year your resolutions come true!

Comments

  1. Maitri, I am so glad you have your daughter nearby. That is such a blessing for both of you. How wonderful to have everyone there for Christmas too! I so love This is Us. I hated to see the finale for this season and hope they continue.

    Love, Jean

    • Hi Jean, it is lovely having Rachel nearby, a real blessing. But we watched the most recent This Is Us this week and it didn’t say anything about being the finale??? That can’t be it can it? Last year it seems like it stopped before Christmas but started up again in the new year. I think that’s right? I’ll have to check! Oh My!

      • Oh no, not ending forever. Just the final for this season! I would be upset if This is Us would have ended. I think it could continue for years – I hope.

        • Oh ME, I thought there were more now! Boo hoo, Rachel will be so disappointed too. She was coming over Wednesday night to watch it! Whatever will we do until it comes back on???

  2. Betsy Lewis says:

    Maitri! Thank you for the Khalil Gibran quote… I cherish my very old copy of the Prophet and often give them as gifts. You are so blessed to be able to see your children and grandchildren and spend joyful time with them and your delight shines brightly here!
    I am enJOYing your JOY! 🎄

    • Thank you again dear Betsy! It’s so lovely to see you again so soon, and yes, don’t you just love Kahlil Gibran? That book has been important to me my whole life since I was young. And yes I am deeply blessed to have my children and grandchildren with me for Christmas, and how lovely of you to celebrate my joy with me. That means the world to me. I hope you have a happy holiday season… 🙂

  3. in these pics rachel looks so much like my alana…. oh our precious children! and the kahlil quote is always a good reminder. we can’t prevent suffering but we can love the heck out of our kids as they go thru ups and downs and all arounds… and my daughter does that for me too – just as my mom and me were wonderful friends, when i was an adult, so with me and alana, and hopefully she will continue this trend when one day she has her own daughter (or son)! so yes, thank you… xoxo ka

    • You are so welcome dear Ka, yes, we both have beautiful daughters and our relationships with them, so precious when they were little, are even more precious now that they are adults. It makes me so happy to know how close you and Alana are, as were you and your mother. My mother and I were not close, had lots of problems, so being close to my daughters is such a gift to me. I hope you all have happy holidays, I am sending my love…

  4. It’s so wonderful to see your daughter and to get a sense of Maitri the mother. We who are mothers are blessed beyond words to have our precious children and grandchildren in our lives xx

    • Ah Moira I am indeed a mother and I cherish that role more than anything in my life. And yes, we are indeed blessed beyond words. There’s no way to rightly describe how holy and sacred it is to be a mother. I hope you have a lovely holiday season with your children and the grands… 🙂

  5. What a lovely post! I am so happy for you and your family!

    • Thank you so much Marge, I know you know how much family means. Blessings and love to you and yours this holiday season… 🙂 (Rachel just came over and we’re having coffee…)

  6. We had “the gang” here for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful. We are looking forward to Christmas- it’s been a few years since I’ve felt any desire for the holidays. I’m glad you are looking forward with joy as well.

    • Hello Sweet Lorraine, it sounds like you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, I’m so happy for you, and yes, I’m so excited about Christmas when all my kids will be home. These times are too rare when they live away. I hope you and yours have a happy holiday season. Blessings to you all… 🙂

  7. Oh how I understand the need/want to make my child’s life perfect, all the while knowing I cannot. Your words are beautiful and the love of you have for your children fills the page. The poem is absolutely amazing – I will be saving it, for sure. I too feel that Christmas is meant to be about our blessings in life – family and friends – small wonders, not things. You are a wonderful spirit – thank you for sharing a glimpse of your heart.

  8. Oh my goodness! I totally just realized, I own “The Prophet.” I missed it, my first read through but the second time – there it was. I read the title and it felt familiar, looked over at my bookshelf and there it is. A book my Father recommended a few years ago. A book, I promptly purchased but have yet to read. Thanks for the reminder.

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