The Experiment: Day 61 ~ When The Coffee Is Finally Good Enough & Other Tuesday Thoughts…

Day 61 of this 365 Day Experiment, just under 6 weeks on the ketogenic diet, down 24.2 pounds, from 333 pounds to 308.8. My life is changing so fast each day brings new revelations and joyful surprises, and I finally have a cup of coffee I enjoy! Phew! I didn’t think I would ever reach this place. The hardest thing about the ketogenic diet for me — and I had given up sugar, alcohol, processed carbs, grains, fruit (for now, I can eventually add berries of all sorts back in) and more — was not having sugar in my coffee in the morning. As I’ve said, that first sip of coffee in the morning with sugar and half and half made me sing like Maria in The Sound of Music. The hills were alive baby, they were ALIVE! But I gave that up too when I went keto, and nothing, no thing, tasted any good to me. I tried Stevia (shudder), the product called Swerve that people rave about, I tried various keto allowed natural sweeteners and they just didn’t work. I finally came to Lakanto’s Monkfruit sweetener and thought that would be it. No go. Not for me. THEN I started reading that when you combine certain sweeteners they cancel out the aftertaste of each. I have a bottle of liquid natural carmel flavored Stevia. I had the Lakanto Monkfruit sweetener. I put some of each in my coffee with the heavy cream allowed on keto and Oh Mama! This is it! This is it for me anyway. Now I have a cup of coffee I enjoy.

There are two things about this. First of all, no, it doesn’t taste like my coffee did with sugar in it, and no, I am not singing like Maria, but I am satisfied, I am happy with it. It is good enough. When you go on the ketogenic diet and eliminate all sugars, carbs, etc, your body changes, and gradually things taste different. I may not have liked this 3 weeks or 6 weeks ago, but when you are several weeks away from having had any sugar at all you don’t crave it, honestly, you can see sweet things and they can kind of turn your stomach. You actually aren’t even hungry at all. I don’t crave anything I gave up, in fact I don’t think much at all about food in general and I eat only when truly hungry and then very small portions. It’s all I need. My body is in ketosis, it is burning fat, not carbs, for fuel, there is no swelling, inflammation, or pain in my body, I see more clearly, the brain fog is gone, it has been an incredible transformation in so many ways, but frankly, just being able to get up in the morning and have a cup of coffee that tastes good to me is such a gift, I just can’t tell you. And am I worried about food and the holidays? Not at all.

6 weeks in I am experiencing a kind of keto bliss. Yes, I have a lot more weight to lose, 163.8 pounds to reach the goal weight I have set for myself (145#) and I don’t know if I will be able to reach that goal, I don’t know when my body will say “Enough.” but I will follow the wisdom of the body as I get down towards my goal and I know that I will come to a natural resting place where I will feel good, where I will feel right in myself, and I will be happy there. And the thing is something amazing happens when your body lets go of all of the intense cravings you once had, when you are truly “eating to live, not living to eat” as I have done all my life, using food as a sedative, or to comfort myself, or to just escape my feelings. Everything slows down, you find a kind of peace you probably have never had before, there is no rush. Mine will be a long journey to get all the weight off, but when you feel so much better physically and emotionally, you can enjoy the journey, relax, and be happy to let it all flow naturally. That’s where I am now.

Today is my busy day. I usually have therapy on Wednesdays but my therapist is leaving town with her family tomorrow for Thanksgiving so I am going today. And there are the usual after-therapy errands. And there is a sweet evening ahead with the pugs, and work to do. And I will probably take a nap with the pugs after I get back home. I wish I could show you what it’s like, me in my big, oversized recliner, with a super soft blanket, and 3 pugs, all snuggled in with me. It is like having my batteries recharged. I may or may not really go to sleep but I always rest with a smile on my face because my three little beans are sound asleep and snoring — my preferred white noise! — and I have a hand on each of 2 pugs with the other one resting her little head on my ankle, and I am filled up with their pure, innocent love. This is bliss. That is not a word I have been able to use in a very long time, but now I am feeling blissful moments and even days and despite hard things that are coming up in life I am okay and I can handle what comes. I am empowered in a way I didn’t know was possible for me. Now when someone asks me how I am I can say, honestly, “I am good.” That is a miracle. When the mobile crisis unit had to be called 6 months ago and I didn’t know how I was going to make it I can tell you I never imagined such a day. I am good, and it is amazing. I am so deeply grateful I barely know what to say, but I am good and it’s enough.

Now dear friends I leave you to head off into my day. I hope you are good, and if, in this moment, you are not, please know, believe, that change is possible, that better days can be on the horizon, that a life you never imagined was possible may be right around the corner. You only need to start with one small thing, love yourself as you would love those dearest to you, and in loving yourself this way you will want to do what you need to to take care of your beloved, and you are your beloved. Don’t forget that. And start today, please don’t wait.

I am sending you so much love. You can do this, we can do this, I am doing this, and it’s about damn time.