The Experiment: Day 45 ~ I Am At The Pipping Stage…

I am pipping, that time when the wee chick first starts to crack the shell, there’s a long journey before him and a lot of hard work to do. For him it may be 24 hours. For me, I’m guessing about 2 years, and I’m just starting to see out of the tiny hole in this shell I’ve lived in for a very long time. Changes are happening, more slowly than I’d like. In the last few days I’ve gained weight even while eating perfectly on the ketogenic diet. Thank God I am in a wonderful forum where I can ask questions and get help. It seems that I may be eating too little and that can stall weight loss too. Your body thinks it’s starving and goes into a protective mode. Over a few days of barely eating any food at all — I honestly was not the least bit hungry! — I’ve gained close to 4 pounds! I’ve wanted to cry and bang my head against the wall. Last Wednesday I weighed 315.2 pounds. Today I had gradually worked my way up to 319, and if you saw how little food I’ve eaten the last few days you would be shocked. Today I’m trying to eat a little more, but it’s hard. I eat barely anything and then I’m full, but I’m working at it. This is such a different state of affairs for me from my pre-keto life that it’s startling to me. But I am learning, I have a support system, I will just keep at it.

And then there’s the coffee. Sigh… Well I thought I’d found the perfect keto coffee with my Lakanto sweetener but now IT tastes bad to me. This morning I had coffee with no sweetener and it was better than with it but I am just not enjoying my coffee. It’s really perplexing. I’ve thought about just trying tea but I don’t think that will work and I’ve just ordered some wonderful no sugar flavored coffee for the holidays — pumpkin spice and gingerbread latte. They smell divine. I know with the cream and if I had used sugar it would taste heavenly. And I would fall out of ketosis. And I won’t let that happen. Sugar is poison, and it feels so good to have it out of my body, it makes such a huge difference, that there’s no going back now. But morning coffee is still a struggle. I so want to find a solution, but it’s one day at a time. I’m pipping, I’m just removing a tiny piece of shell at a time, there are a lot of things to remove from my 63 years on this planet. Food things, lifestyle things, thought patterns that either haven’t served me or sometimes have caused grave damage, so much more. I can only take one tiny thing at a time. It will take a good long while to find my way out of this small enclosed world I have built for myself. I am just like the wet little chick curled up in the egg above, barely able to peep out. But I can peep out. Now I can see so many things. The road is long but there’s no turning back.

And what about this journey, here, on this blog? It, too, is one step at a time. Sometimes one word at a time. Sometimes I stare at a blank screen off and on for hours before I can write my daily post. I come to do it and then I go away. But it is always done before the end of the day. And so it shall be. This is a journey of 365 days and I am only a fraction of the way through, but it is good, it is right, and it is making a difference. I am going snail speed. It’s about moving steadily forward at a snail’s pace and all that matters is that I keep on moving. Some days it is as though you could stare at me all day long and barely see any movement, but it is there, a perhaps miniscule step, one very tiny piece of the shell, but it’s one step closer to my goal. How many steps might there be? Maybe thousands.

I made this graphic years ago and I love it. I’m going to print it out and put it on my computer. It will be my reminder the whole way along, the question to hold in my heart, the only thing that matters…

It is 4:50 p.m. the first day of Daylight Savings Time, a quiet Sunday. It has been a contemplative day. I have thought and felt many things, I have felt weary, I have felt happy, I have felt a deep, quiet state of peace. I am not wearing a mask today, I am not playing or making Vision Boards, I am sitting close to my pugs, listening to them breathe, and listening to this fabulous fireplace I installed on my desktop that is so beautiful, and so soothing, making perfect popping and crackling noises, that more than once it has almost put me to sleep. I turn it on every morning when I come to the computer. It soothes me. It makes me feel cozy, it brings me joy.

I hope you have had a lovely Sunday afternoon. I hope you have been able to find peace, I hope you are able to go slow and savor the journey. All will be revealed at the right and proper time, and I don’t mind the long journey. I am pipping like the little chick, and I am content.

I am sending you love and a gentle warm hug…

 


The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness:Β 
Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
β€œDo or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda

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Comments

  1. Sorry about your weight gain Maitri. Isn’t it amazing how if we don’t eat enough we can gain weight? Our bodies are remarkably trying to protect us and that is also amazing. I talk to mine a lot and ask it what it wants. Sometimes it tells me and sometimes I don’t get an answer.
    What fireplace app did you get that you love so much?
    Thank you for the love and warm gentle hug. 😘😘 to you on this first day of standard time.
    Love, Jean

    • Jean, yes, it is so disheartening, but I will keep on keeping on. There’s no turning back now. The fireplace app that I got was in the Microsoft store on my computer. It was free, I just had to download it, and I looked and there was no name for it, it just says Fireplace app, but I bet there are a lot of them online if you can’t find it on your computer? And thank you for stopping by. The time change has affected me somehow. I’m feeling kind of lost tonight, but this too shall pass… πŸ™‚

  2. Kathy Charniak says:

    I didn’t do much today. When the time changes it does something to my body. My doctor told me to give up sugar and lose weight. I’m struggling with that. I give you so much credit that you have given up sugar.

    • Kathy, I hear you. The time change always does something to me too. I’m feeling kind of sad and lost tonight. And yes, it is a struggle to give up sugar, but once you do, honestly, you feel amazing. But we’re all ready when we’re ready. I’m 63 and it’s taken me this long to make these changes, but I have a lot of weight to lose and health concerns if I don’t. There’s just no turning back and I really do like this diet, it’s just a big learning curve.

      Take care honey, I’m sending you a gentle hug tonight…

  3. I’m so glad you have your forum for your keto support Maitri. I think it’s not unusual to have to keep changing things up a bit periodically to keep the weight loss going. I had already reached a plateau after just a few weeks as well and had to make a shift and then things began progressing again. Don’t lose hope!
    I hope your flavored holiday coffees will be more enjoyable for you.

    Today we went out of town to visit our little 3 1/2 month old grandson and it was delightful seeing the changes in him. He is such a happy and responsive little fellow!

    • Thanks so much Joan honey, it really does help to have the support. And I know the thing about this diet change is that it’s such a steep learning curve. As I said I have cut out all the bad foods weeks ago, I just haven’t figured out what TO eat. I will continue on and find my way, I won’t lose hope! I think the time change has really affected me. I feel really down tonight.

      I’m so glad that you got to see your little grandbaby, isn’t it a wonderful, magical thing to be a grandmother? I love it.

      Take care and I hope you have a good week honey… πŸ™‚

  4. And love and hugs to you too Maitri!
    Margaretha

    • Ah Darling Margaretha….

      I want to say Good Morning for I’ve just sat down at the computer with my coffee but it will be afternoon for you! Good Afternoon dearheart! I hope you had a good weekend and a good week ahead. And much love and many kisses, even more than 3! to you… πŸ™‚

      Maitri

  5. Hi Maitri!
    Today is Friday- I have been a little busy and am reading your posts out of order. Something you said in this one intrigues me: “Food things, lifestyle things, thought patterns that either haven’t served me or sometimes have caused grave damage, so much more. I can only take one tiny thing at a time. It will take a good long while to find my way out of this small enclosed world I have built for myself. ” I, too, feel there are things about my life and choices that need change but I am still existing in that bigger life. I want to go back into a shell to be able to start again fresh- but feel as though I still have obligations created by that old me. Do you or any of your readers have experience with this? Is there a gracious way to do it? I realize it will be small steps….. I’m hoping not to be offensive to others……maybe that is not possible? ps- thank you for creating this forum!

    • Ah Lorraine, well, we all have obligations we have to tend to, BUT, you could try the old trick, as a first step, to making a list of all the things you think you HAVE to do and you will probably find that a whole bunch of them you really DON’T have to do. Cross them off your list. Begin by paring down and making more space in your days. You will find that something shifts even when you start to make little changes. I have a quote here on my computer, “Small changes eventually add up to BIG results.” Amen. I started out here by just committing to do one blog post a day and that’s the only change in my life that I made, BUT, as you know, as I kept showing up daily all KINDS of things shifted for me. I became truly happier, I started making plans and having dreams for my future, I started the ketogenic diet a month ago and it has changed my life, and I have my new little secret project started. And every day something new, albeit very likely tiny, pops up and my new growing life expands. Inotherwords just start slowly making small changes and I promise you it will snowball. Perhaps you can’t toss everything away and go into a shell but perhaps you can create a cocoon you can go into as often as possible and in that cocoon begin to build new practices, be still and listen to that voice within and let it direct you onto a whole new path. With very little effort, making one tiny change to begin with, you will be dazzled at the domino effect through your life. It’s like standing at the top of a mountain and you make a little snowball and toss it down the mountain and as it rolls and rolls, picking up more snow along the way, it gets bigger and bigger until it is a HUGE snowball at the bottom! All you have to do right now is to make a tiny snowball and start it rolling down the mountain. You will be amazed what happens.

      Keep me posted on your journey. I see big bright happy special things in your future. I’m so excited for you! Blessings and Love and please kiss some horse noses for me! One day I will be kissing horse noses in person. I have started my snowball down the mountain… πŸ™‚

      • Thank you!! After I wrote to you today I went and threw out pounds and pounds of old professional journals- that’s not my life any more. Now I will have more room to create. In my head I am planning some exit strategies (gracious of course) from my obligations. Let’s see what I will do tomorrow! Again, thank you!

        • Oh Lorraine, how exciting!!! You are ON YOUR WAY! And your post here to me this morning and what I wrote back to you inspired today’s (#50) blog post so thanks for making me think. Onwards and Upwards, I see GREAT things happening for you, I’m just thrilled for you! πŸ˜€

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