The Experiment: Day 39 ~ Good Morning Loves, The Time Has Come, The Time Is Now…

This moment. I wait for this moment all year long. When I get up with the dogs and the sun is shining bright through the woods that surround my house, and there is just enough breeze to make the windchimes tinkle, and it is chilly, it has to be truly a cold morning that awakens the sleeping dragoness inside of me. I pull my shawl around me and sit with my big cup of coffee in a state of awe and wonder. I forget, through the rest of the year, that such mornings exist. Mornings that make you feel truly alive. In this moment I believe that all things are possible, that good things are coming into my life and flowing through it, and that I am waking up in the time of my life when I was really meant to live my life fully. I am ready to face the world. I am ready to do my work, I am filled with joy. Not long ago this didn’t seem possible. It is a whole new day.

I have lived through my childhood, my young married life, through the raising of my three children and the trials and tribulations of midlife, through a divorce after 31 years of marriage, and through these last 2 decades of learning to live alone, learning how to survive in the face of the worst of things, learning how to hold on and keep on going through debilitating depression and more, and I reached the point that seemed like the end and it turned out to only be the beginning. The beginning of a whole new life. I love being 63 and I will love all of the ages to come. Each day now is so full of possibilities and I have set sail on the journey that will take me through my golden years and beyond, and it feels like the most amazing time in my life. I was just listening to the Beatles singing Here Comes The Sun (I love to play this song in the morning.) and all of a sudden I almost laughed out loud with joy, HERE COMES THE SUN into my life when I thought all days would be lived in a kind of darkness. It is, as they say, never too late for a happy ending. And I hope my end doesn’t come for some time because I have much work to do.

I am looking out across the vast expanse of the week ahead and I am feeling excited because I believe something very special is going to happen this week, I don’t know what it will be, it may be something small, but important, but it is going to happen, I feel it in my bones. That means every single moment is exciting because in any moment this miraculous joyful thing will come into my life and change the whole tenor of things. I just know it’s coming. And the only thing I have to do is to be awake, and alive, in this moment, opening my arms to every possibility and be absolutely present in every moment. I am giddy just thinking about it.

And this morning, this beautiful cold October morning in that most special week of the year, that week when October turns to November, when Halloween leads to Thanksgiving leads to Christmas and on into the New Year. This is the time of the year I used to especially dread because the holidays seemed fraught with tension, schedules go all awry with all of the out of the ordinary things and I both loved Christmas like a little girl and was afraid of it too. That time when you want everything to go so right, and sometimes it just doesn’t go to plan. This year I am going to live through this time of the year expectant like a little child, there are going to be so many miracles. I don’t know just what they will be but I know that if you are open to believing in them they can happen every single day. This morning I am whispering, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” for this beautiful morning that has opened my eyes to life, to the living of life, to the connection with God and all things holy. I wish I could be with you now, and hug you, and hold hands, and look out to the horizon together with a kind of joy as we imagine all the things that are coming to us. I am making vision boards, I am taking concrete steps, I know not where I will end up but I know that I am on the way there.

Oh dear one, I hope you have been having a splendid morning, a morning when you are believing that all things are possible, and if you are not, if it is one of the hard ones, know this. This, too, will pass. We hear this over and over and think that for us it couldn’t possibly be true but if you have been reading my blog for long you will know that I have come through a very dark time, and now, out of the darkness and into the light I am coming. I am writing my way to wholeness, the shackles of depression have loosened their grip. There are all kinds of reasons but I know this to be true, writing these blog posts everyday has caused the kind of forward motion that I have needed in my life, and first it was just light through the cracks, and now, this morning, there is light streaming in through the windows. There is more light every day. You can do this too. For me a good therapist, good med management, a radical change in diet, and writing here everyday, seeking happiness, seeking joy, and even being able to believe that they exist, that my life truly is full of potent possibilities abundant, well, I am on the yellow brick road. I am waiting for you here.

My women’s circle is growing in my heart. I am so excited to be doing my Comfort Calls With Maitri again, being here for gentle souls who need a warm, loving presence in their lives, just to be with them, to hold space for them, to sit with them in compassion and loving kindness, to witness their humanity, to listen to their sorrows, to celebrate their joys, to be the gentle grandmother in their lives when perhaps there isn’t one any longer and perhaps never was, I am here. My heart is as full as the full moon, I am sitting peacefully waiting for you, I am here.

I know my circle will come into being. It is easy to get frozen worrying about the logistics, the money, the technology, all the rest of the running of the physical space, but I have done it before and I will do it again. Ministering to other women comes naturally, creating safe and sacred space has been my gift for forty years. In my young adult life I was a midwife and childbirth educator for other young couples going through the beginning of their families, I was a La Leche League leader counseling other mothers with breastfeeding, then we were a homeschooling family fighting for homeschooling families rights, and in my forties I had a gentle community for women coming out at midlife, women who were lost and needed the support and love of other women, now I am the grandmother whose job is to open her arms to all women, I am a safe place, I create safe and sacred spaces. I know this is my work, I know I am meant to do it, I know the whys, and if I don’t yet know the hows I know that everything will work out as it is meant to. I know this is going to happen. It is how I will spend the rest of my days and each and every day I am moving one step closer. If you are interested in a warm and loving community for women stay in touch with me, follow these posts, join my newsletter so you don’t miss the posts or other announcements. I would love to have you with me.

This moment in time, well, I am smiling thinking of a few lines from one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books, a book that I read to my children so many times I have it memorized. The book is Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now. “The time has come, the time is now, Marvin K. Mooney will you please go now!” The time has come, the time is now, and I have headed out on my journey. It is positively thrilling. I am on my way.

The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda