The Experiment: Day 247 ~ We Are Always In The Act Of Creation… What Shall I Create Today?

The last several weeks have been so stressful and over-full that it feels as though I haven’t really “created” anything. The only thing that I can think of in terms of having created something is that I have done my daily blog posts and even written some stories with my dear friend Katya, our 700 word, two noun, stories. That has been one of the most delightful things I’ve done in some long time, but since Delilah was hurt 2 weeks ago and I’ve had to leave the house daily for appointments and items to help deal with the latest catastrophes, I have been in sheer survival mode. As things seem to settle down I want to focus on daily creating. Creating something. What shall that be?

And the kind of creation that I am talking about — writing a blog post, writing a story, even painting a picture, are all very specific acts of creation. They are the first sort of thing that people generally think about when they think of being creative, but what about the way we create a day? Consciously shaping the hours given us is the ultimate act of creation, and give purpose and meaning to our lives. This is where I will start. And a single days holds it all.

Barring times of emergencies we each have a shape that most of our days seem to take. For those who leave the house everyday to go out to a job there is one kind of shape, and I wouldn’t begin to try to speak to that. I honor and respect, am even in awe of, people who handle so much in the outside world, even perhaps shepherding children to and from school, and a host of activities around doing the jobs that they must daily do. That is one set of obligations and responsibilities that are not representative of my life so I will leave that be. My life is a curious mix of the life of an agoraphobic woman who, for the most part and barring times like these out-of-the-ordinary weeks just past, rarely leaves the house. Most of my life is lived here, alone, in this house with the company of my 2 pugs. I have, for almost 20 years, been unable to work outside the home, and, with a challenging assortment of mental health issues, had no choice but this. In the end, however, one wants to live the best life possible within what can feel, at times, like crippling limitations. And how do we do this? We do this by creating the biggest and best, the brightest life we possibly can, where we are. This is what I have tried to do. And within the confines of my life I have learned that the smallest things give shape, and meaning, and color to my days.

The way that I get up each day, get the pugs outside and back in, get them their breakfast and necessary medication, and then make coffee is the routine that I re-create each morning. It gives purpose, meaning, and a backbone to my day. The things that I do here at my desk, feeding Vincent, the Beta fish, answering people who have commented on this blog, answering email, and people at Facebook are the next step. With these tasks and coffee done a door opens into what can hold the promise of some new thing, the possibility of an act of creation. This is the kind of time I haven’t had in the last couple of weeks but which opened up a bit today.

While listening to a wonderful 90 minute podcast, Krista Tippet’s interview with the writer Elizabeth Gilbertย on living a creative life, I drew and painted a picture for my therapist, something that came out of a very unique session with a new kind of therapy we are doing integrating pieces of my lost self. She talked to me about coming up with ways to integrate what had come up in our session and I told her I would paint a picture of those parts of myself, at 3 years old, 9 years old, and at present, in an effort to help these lost pieces come together again. I am supposed to do this daily for 30 days but today was the first day I could actually do it. I texted it to her when I was done. It felt like a huge piece in working toward helping me move forward with my healing and future acts of creativity. And later today I will write a story to send to Katya. I am late yet again in getting it done, but I indeed will. And here is today’s blog post.

I see these moments of creativity as the mortar that holds the bricks of my daily life together, and when there has been no time for creativity the bricks might shift about and not hold firmly in place. Those are the days I feel shaky and lost. I have felt that a lot lately. For a little while I was going back and forth with Katya with a new story each day and it changed the whole tenor of my days, made me feel alive, productive, stronger somehow, more flexible, able to more easily do other things. Even as I have not had the energy to write more than 1 in the last 2 weeks I have seen and felt the difference in my life. It is hard at times of exhaustion and overwhelm to be creative, but we pay a price for not being able to make something each day.

As human beings we are born makers, from Caveman on to the present. We have opposable thumbs which enables us to do things that other species cannot do. Acts of creation have kept us alive. Historically we have made homes, made clothes, grown our own food, built whatever furniture we used, we created everything of a physical nature in our environment. In this mechanized, technological world we don’t have to do those things anymore and we are paying a price. Look around at the high rate of depression, anxiety, all manner of mental health issues, suicide and many physical illnesses. I believe that much of this comes from the lack of creativity in our lives and I’m not talking about painting a picture or writing a book, I’m talking about making things that make our lives have purpose and meaning. Yes, I write, yes, I paint sometimes, but I feel the need to be a maker in my own life in broader ways. What can I make, what can I create, that will give me a direction in which to funnel the hours of my day? This is what I am looking at right now.

Gardening is one thing, even dealing with this mess outside where the birdseed has sprouted and created a mat of thick grasses all over. It is a dreadful mess. But by cleaning this up, which will take days, and giving a new shape, a cleaner, clearer surface, to take what it an unwieldy mess and make something neat and clean and lovely again, I am making something. This is a place to begin.

And yes, today I painted, today I am doing this blog post and today I will write a story. These things are glorious acts of creation that are hugely nourishing, fulfilling, and sustaining. They will always be a focus in my life. But I must first look to the hours that I am given and see what I can make of them. I want to leave a legacy of a life well lived, despite my limitations and curious way of living and being in the world. I think this will be my most important work yet. I’m not sure yet how this will all unfold but I will record it here. I would love to hear from all of you too. We are always in the act of creation, in every day, in each moment. What are you creating right now? Write to me in the comments below. Maybe we can help each other figure this out, perhaps we can make things together.

The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness:ย Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
โ€œDo or do not. There is no try.โ€
Yoda

Comments

  1. katya taylor says

    i am the same – when i am about to write a story, when i’m actually writing a story, when i finish a story (and send it to my writing partner) i feel a sense of exhilaration, freedom, joy, ease, and it definitely carries over to everyday life. now that i am doing daily acrostics, that too is a practice that infuses me deeply. Without a creative life, i feel in exile from myself, and that is what i felt your blog was about today. A focus, a purpose, a creation! And yes, it can be weeding a garden bed and adding compost and mulch, and standing back and saying wow, that’s so great. And picking a few gladiolas suddenly blooming, pairing with a few hydrangeas, and i have a living breathing
    creation of glory in a vase in my house where it may continue to inspire me. All these acts add up. Thank you for the wisdom of your blog today, Maitri!

    • Darling Katya, fyi, first of all, your post came through needing to be approved. Your email was mis-spelled, there was no E in Earthlink!

      And I have just sent my story to you for today and it felt SO good to write it. I will look very forward to getting back on track with writing our stories. And yes dear one, all these acts add up, the stories, the gladiolas, the tomatoes! And your acrostics! I’m so glad you liked the post today. I am off to read your TWO stories now!

      Love you honey,

      M. xoxox

  2. Today we made a fence from reclaimed wood. It meant sawing, painting and nailing it in place. It will help keep weeds out of the garden. The weeds come from a field beside us and just keep coming in. This is my last stand. It’s the weeds or me!!
    It feels so good to do something so useful to us.

    • Ah Moria, GOOD FOR YOU! Tally ho! Once more into the breech! The war against weeds can be fearsome! I am having that here too. I don’t use chemicals or poisons so one must TAKE STEPS anyway they can. I’d love to see a picture of your garden with your new fence. I know it is grand! I hope it works. Thanks for letting me know…

      Hugs,

      Maitri

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