It is a welcome relief to look out into my woods and see the sun shining through. It has been a dark rainy weekend and it has taken a toll. When late this afternoon, near 6:00, I could see sun through the trees my heart lifted. Something in me eased a little.
We have turned a corner here. Six weeks ago my little pug Tanner died, and then Pugsley went through a scary two weeks as we worked hard to save his eye, followed by spending hours in the middle of the night at the emergency vet with Delilah one week ago tonight. This last week has been back to back appointments and finally, Friday night, I crashed. Yesterday it was torrential downpours all day, the sky black as night, and the first half of today was dark and rainy too. It’s not that I have been depressed really, just kind of worn down and weary with a little sadness around the edges. And weekends can be lonely times. This one has been.
Last night, not knowing what to do with myself, I watched a 2 1/2 hour special of The Royal Wedding and while it is not everyone’s cup of tea and went on more than a little too long for my tastes it was quite something to see. I’m glad I saw it. There’s never been a royal wedding like it and will not likely be again. I watched until almost 1:00 a.m. as they rode through the streets in their carriage waving to the crowds for over half an hour. I was mesmerized. It was hard to wrap my mind around all of that royal splendor from my little home with two pugs tucked into an oversized recliner sleeping and snoring loudly. It made for an amusing juxtaposition.
And tonight I am somewhat overcome with sadness. Today I removed all 5 bird feeders from my deck just outside my studio windows. It’s not just that it has made a terrible mess that I’ve had to blow off with the leaf blower several times a day but so much bird seed is getting stuck in the wood planks of the deck and sprouting so thickly I have been advised that it could rot my deck, and all of my beautiful pots of flowers are becoming a terrible mess with bird seed sprouting in them. It was with a great deal of sadness that I removed them and tonight as birds fly to the windowsill looking for seed I have tears in my eyes. I will likely put the feeders back up again over the winter when it is hard for the little ones to find food but food is plentiful in these woods for the birds now. They will be fine, but I will miss them. I lived most of my adult life with parrot companions but since losing my 4 in the fire I have not wanted to have a parrot again.
The sun is setting, it is growing dark again. The pugs have had their dinner and are snuggled back in next to me sleeping and snoring. I just fed Vincent my beautiful Beta fish, I love watching him eat and then swirl down through the water fanning his gorgeous tail. Such deep delight this tiny little fish brings.
I am rambling. I haven’t eaten dinner yet, I have days worth of dishes to do, I need to take a shower, and I don’t know how I am going to get out of this chair. I am feeling a little lost. Somehow I will find my way through.
The week ahead is another week of a number of appointments, doctor, dentist, therapy. I will get through each day as it comes. Right now I am simply grateful for the little bit of sun that came late this day. It is setting now. The weekend is coming to a close. I will be glad to move on.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
One of by bird feeder was dropping seeds into some plants (and growing grass) so i had to move it. your potted flowers take precedence now. I think waiting till winter is the best idea, maitri. i know you will miss those birdies so much. but some other delight will fill your soul, trust me! you are tired, the day was dark and rainy, you are just taking care of yourself best you can. AND don’t forget you wrote a story thru all that. You have resilience, dear friend. sending hugs
xo
ka
Thank you so much dear Katya, it has been kind of hard today and it made me sad to see the birds come to the window where they’ve eaten since December. But these pots out here are a mess and I can’t have my deck rotting. It’s going to take me days to get this all cleaned up and put to rights. I hope I am resilient. Tonight I am just getting through. I’ve eaten, I’m about to take a shower. I think the dishes will have to wait until tomorrow, but they will keep…
M. xoxox
One of my bird feeders i meant to say!
Dear Maitri, I love the beautiful picture you posted of the sun rays shining in the woods. You have a wonderful way with words: “sadness around the edges”. I, too, have felt this. It comes on and off. Yes weekends can be lonely. Sorry about your bird feeders. We have one next to our porch and there are seeds all over. It is not wooden but what a mess! My hubby likes to sit by the window in the morning watching the birds fly in for their seeds. I doubt if the feeder gets moved. I know how it feels to just want to sit even with a lot of things to do. That must be exactly what you need to do. Dishes will always be there to be washed. That is how I live for the most part. Things get done but I try not to push myself. Yes you will find your way.
Maybe looking at some happy ass cards might cheer you up a tad?
Much Love, Jean
Hello Dear Jean…
I’m glad you liked the picture, I liked it too. And yes I will really miss the birds but I have no choice.
I did get my dinner, and I’m going to get a shower, but I think the dishes are going to have to wait, I’m just not up to dealing with them tonight. And those cards are funny. I had hoped they had an ecard section but they don’t. I really don’t send cards through the mail much anymore, sad to say, but they were fun to look at. Thanks for sharing…
Hugs,
Maitri