The Experiment: Day 216 ~ Day Is Done…

The day is done, there is but a little light left in the sky. The last birds are swooping down to the feeders for a last bite, and the pugs, having been out and had their dinner, are snuggling in and going to sleep. I have eaten too. I am feeling quiet.

Today was my day out. Therapy, errands. Therapy was okay, we talked about the things I have been writing about here lately, Tanner’s loss and how it still hits me hard, the fear of growing older without meaningful work leading to income that could make my life easier, but being unable to risk losing benefits. What it means to turn 64 on Monday when life is not what I thought it would be, and how to transform this life into a life that feels meaningful, how to look at the world in a whole new way. So many things. I have been filled with these thoughts as I moved through the rest of the day, glad to get home to my babies a little after 4:30, carry things in, take them out, change clothes and then we curled up in the chair together. I was too tired to read. I just rested with them for awhile.

Now I am here, and I want to say something to you that matters, I want to reach out to you and say that in this moment I don’t know much but I am here. I want to tell you how much your comments have meant to me this week, thoughtful comments that touched me deeply, and as I answered each of you I felt so incredibly grateful to have you here. I wish I could offer you something, I wish I could give you more, all I have to give are these few thoughts from an open heart…

I will keep writing to you here, and if you answer me, when you answer me, and I answer you back, this exchange means something, I really believe that it does. In this way we are not alone. I will keep showing up, I will try my best, I will be here.

I am sitting here at a loss. It seems to be one of those days when I am so far inside myself I don’t have much to say. I hope that you will forgive me. Tomorrow is another day. 

The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda

Comments

  1. You are you. Beautiful. Peaceful.

    Pug love and peace.

    • Thank you dear Alice, thank you for being here with me, it means so much, more than you could possibly know. Especially tonight. Especially now. I am sending you a gentle warm hug. I hope you are well…

      Maitri

  2. Dear Maitri, You don’t have to give me anything more than what you are already doing. Sharing yourself with so much beautiful vulnerability. Being REAL ! This is so important these days. I am so glad I connected with you. I hope you can just rest and be YOU without having to be more. You are enough. I am also feeling quiet. It’s okay. I eagerly await your post in my email so I can read what you’ve written.
    Much Love, Jean

  3. Julia Ferry says

    you know Maitri I wish I could sit with ya and just be silent.. a true friend sits with you and holds your hand ans says nothing …

    • I hear you Julia honey, I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. I am sending you love and a gentle warm hug. May days of peace and ease be just ahead for us all…

  4. I read your posts every day Maitri. Your honesty and kindness of spirit is inspiring. You are going out into the world, connecting with people and touching them, as can be seen from all their comments. Gently, quietly, daily you are making a difference <3

    • Thank you dear Moira, you are very kind, what you say here means a lot to me. I am trying, I am hoping that somehow it makes a difference, I just keep showing up. Some days there is not a lot to say, but I am here, I share what I can, I listen, I answer, somehow, in my heart, it feels like it matters but it helps me so much to hear from those of you who take the time to kindly comment that it does. Bless you honey…

  5. Sending hugs. xxx

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