Tanner is gone a week now. I was teary this morning but I begin to feel that subtle shift. It is what happens in the first stages of acceptance. I will miss my little boy forever, part of me will never get over losing him, but in accepting that he is gone I begin to be able breathe a little easier, to come back to life myself. And this is necessary. I have two other babies here to take care of, to love, and my children and grandchildren who have worried about me during this devastating time. This morning I cut ranunculus and put them on Tanner’s grave. Soon I will be planting all manner of things there. Tanner loved to be outside and to make his final resting place a thing of beauty is the best tribute I can pay him. I am returning to the garden, I have begun.
And I have company as I plant. Delilah and Pugsley are right with me every time I step out the door. Their bright little spirits accompany me all around the garden, to Tanner’s grave, and back up on the deck. Each day I plant more bulbs, I placed the last seed order for the deck this afternoon, I am making plans…
And the pot garden on the deck is growing…
And every time I step out onto the deck I remember Tanner there with all of us on his last day on earth, on the deck, around the pots, and out into the yard he loved so well, the place he chose to die, where he is buried. Gardening is the best tribute I can pay my darling boy. He would love to have been out there with me, he is with me, there, still…
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
Love this, Maitri. Creating gardens are healing for all.
Tanner is there in spirit, and you and Delilah and Pugsley will enjoy the garden in the future.
Love those containers!
LW
Thank you so much dear Lisa, the containers are fun and it brings me joy to go out there and see all the flowers blooming. I didn’t photograph the middle of the deck because there’s nothing to see there yet. All bulbs and tubers just planted, but later it will be really lovely. And yes, Tanner is very much with us out there. He loved being outside so much. It was heartbreaking for me that he went out and died alone outside but he chose to go to the place he loved so much, to be outdoors, and he is buried there now. He is resting peacefully in the little pink gated garden just across from my studio windows. It brings me comfort that he is so near…
Your pot garden is beautiful!
godnatt and 3 kisses
Thank you so much dear Margaretha, I hope you have a good night.
*3 kisses* dear one…
What a beautiful tribute to your dear Tanner <3 Your garden is so beautiful and colorful. Tanner loves that you are gardening again. I sense that you will feel him near and even get some kind of message from him too. Remember he did not die alone.
Love, Jean
Thank you so much dear Jean, I have just had an idea. I have a set of bulbs that were going to go in pots. It is a little collection of bulbs called the Serenity Garden. I think I will plant them over Tanner’s grave if it looks like they will go well there. It’s a thought. And yes, I like to think that his angels were with him that night. It gives me peace. And where he laid down to die was right under my studio windows here. I hadn’t even thought about that until now. He went outside but he was still near. Oh, I miss my baby boy so much…
How beautiful! Sad too, your post brings tears to my eyes. Your garden looks lovely, bright and colorful, and Pugsley and Delilah are so cute! Tanner is with you in spirit, I can feel it. I wish you all many happy hours in your garden. Bless you Maitri. xxx
Thank you so much dear Jenny. I want to feel his presence, I want some “tangible” proof. I know people that have had sightings of their pets, have had something very distinct happen. I believe his spirit is with me but I want to feel it. I haven’t felt that real presence as some people do. I long so to feel him near. I must believe that he is. I loved him so much and always will…
Maitri, that’s such a lovely tribute to Tanner! Your pot garden is really coming along and the flowers look so pretty.
I found after losing pets suddenly, that after that awful first week of shock, I began to be more aware of when their energy was around. It’s hard to describe, but you probably know what I mean. It’s kind of a sweet reminder of them.
We are having an ice storm here today so any buds and bulbs that have attempted to come up will be coated. So sad!
Oh Joan, I hope you’re right. I have believed he was close in spirit, he must be, but I haven’t felt that yet and it’s made me really sad. Maybe now that a week has passed and though I’m still really sad my heart is easing a bit I will feel something as you say. I hope so.
And oh I’m sorry about your ice storm. It’s so disheartening when that happens. We have had problems here in Wilmington the last few years because we are known here for the azaleas, they are show-stoppers here and the whole town is abloom with them in every shade of pink, red, and white and the famous azalea festival happens every April, it was actually just this weekend and the week proceeding with a parade, the Azalea queen (usually a movie star or something of that ilk). But the last few years the azaleas have started blooming and then we have had freezes so that there were barely any azaleas left by the time of the festival. You hate to see the spring beauty killed off like that. I hope your plants survive.
And thank you for sharing the Irish pug with me, I am still smiling over that darling cattywompus baby! 🙂
It is wonderful to see the growth in your garden Maitri. Gently but persistently the sap rises and in time a new normal will begin to gather. Keeping you in my thoughts 💜
Thank you Moira, a new normal, life without Tanner. It’s hard to even think about it but it is so. I appreciate your kind thoughts, they mean a lot…
💚💜💙❤️💖😢
Thank you Noni, it’s so sad without him…
Your green benches and your flowers in their bright containers are so beautiful, it makes me happy to see them! Tanner was blessed to have you as hid mommy.
his mommy.
Thank you Marge, you’re very kind honey…