The Experiment: Day 125 ~ “After All Of The Darkness And Sadness Soon Comes Happiness…”

Today’s music, my new theme song, Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor!”

First of all, you have to understand how huge this is for me.

Since the fire I, who have spent my life living with and loving music, being a singer and musical theater major in college, and always having music playing, stopped listening to music entirely. I simply couldn’t bear it for some reason. It hurt me. I retreated into a kind of sterile silence and have preferred life around me to be quiet ever since. It was as if every nerve in my body was so sensitive I couldn’t tolerate it. And it’s been very sad, a terrible loss really. It was as if part of me had died that night too, and indeed it had.

When I started singing around the house again in these last months — of course I’ve always sung little songs I made up to the pugs but that was it — I knew something was changing but with rare exceptions I still didn’t listen to music.

I always loved the song “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child, I had the c.d. from years ago and it survived because it was in my car. I had 2 c.d. cases filled with c.d.’s in my car the night of the fire so I still have them — I had a huge collection of c.d.’s in the house but lost them that terrible night — and I just didn’t listen even to the ones in the car. Either silence or Public radio talk programs. But today something happened to me.

I had to go out to therapy today, and to do errands afterward. I started to put on Public radio as per usual but I stopped. I picked up the c.d. case and flipped through it and when I got to the c.d. with this song on it it was as if something in me woke up. I put the c.d. in the player in the car and sat and listened to the song. I was practically holding my breath while listening to it and then toward the end when Beyonce sang…

“After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I’ll gain prosperity…”

… tears just ran down my face. I DID it! I survived! DAMN! I MADE it! I made it through so much darkness and sadness for so long but I started to surround myself with positive things when I started this exercise on this blog and then I started making lots of changes and oh my God! how my life has changed! My therapist Helene is just amazed and delighted and cheering me on. It is truly a miraculous thing. And oh YES

“I’m a survivor (what?)
I’m not gon’ give up (what?)
I’m not gon’ stop (what?)
I’m gon’ work harder (what?)
I’m a survivor (what?)
I’m gonna make it (what?)
I will survive (what?)
Keep on survivin'(what?)…”

I’m telling you, everybody NEEDS a theme song! Do you have one? If so I’d love it if you’d share it with me, I’d really love to know what song inspires and delights you and gives you the courage to go ON!

As I drove around doing my errands after therapy I played the song over and over, sang with it, nearly danced with it as I would stop at stoplights! and just felt all LIT UP and POWERFUL!

And then something wonderful happened this evening. I got home and sent my theme song to Helene and she loved it, and then she sent me a song because she knew I’d love it. It’s from a movie that’s out now that she said may be the best movie she’s ever seen, The Greatest Showman, with Hugh Jackman. I HAVE to see this movie asap! The song just knocked me OUT! And it made me cry in the most wonderful way, and I listened to it several times and am going to play it again now, and I want to share it with you. I’m telling you, you really want to watch this. The song is called “This Is Me” and it’s not only a showstopper, you want to stand up and cheer! I will be listening to this a lot in the days to come. I can hardly sit still in my seat to write I am loving this song so much!

If you don’t have a theme song, get one, now! We all need a theme song. I’m gonna crank mine up and DANCE! Dance with me!

The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”

If you enjoy this blog a donation would be deeply appreciated to help me continue to bring “Maitri’s Heart” to you. Thank you, and many deep blessings to one and all…


  1. I wish i knew how it would feel to be Free

    sung by nina simone

    i used to play this when i taught my female sexuality classes at Portland (OR) Community College, and I had a musician play and sing it for my Prison WIsdom launches and sermons. it’s so keenly beautiful and uplifting and sorrow peeled away into soaring joy


    • Oh Ka how wonderful… I love Nina Simone. And how lovely that you shared it with your Prison Wisdom folks too. My, what rich experiences you have had and what a blessing you have been to others, to all of us who know and love you. I’m sending you a gentle hug and lots of love as I get ready to turn in with the pugs. Goodnight sweet friend…

      M. xoxox

  2. Mine are
    I am what I am
    Somewhere over the Rainbow
    Mostly I hear music in my car, needing quiet at home. But sometimes the songs are inside me, sometimes I sing out loud. And when the neighbours are out I sometimes play the didgeridoo.
    Now I’m contemplating on visiting a cinema to view The Greatest Showman. I might do this.
    Thank you!
    Yours Silke

  3. Good Morning Silke, and I love your two songs! How wonderful! Somewhere Over The Rainbow is a very special song for me. When my little ones have to cross the Rainbow Bridge I hold them in my arms and sing this song to them while it happens. It’s very sad but I feel that in “singing them over” and holding them close I am giving them some comfort.

    And I love that you play the didgeridoo! I think that is the such a special instrument. And let me know if you go see the movie! My daughter Rachel and I are going to go this weekend!

    Hugs to you and Ben…


Leave a Comment