The Experiment: Day 11 ~ Celebrate yourself, Sing Yourself, Love Yourself & Be In The Damned Pictures!


This image is from a free image site. All it says about this statue is “Lake Constance.” I have searched until I am blue in the face and can find no other info. about her. If you know more please write to me…

UPDATE: My darling friend Margaretha found out who the statue is and who the artist is that made her. You can read the article here. It is in German but Google translated it for me. The statue is Yolanda and her maker is Miriam Lenk. Miriam also has a page on Facebook!

I have sites that I use for images for my blog. They are almost exclusively free images although I have paid $3.00 for some images I found that were perfect for a particular blog post. These days I am sticking to the free sites out of necessity and, when searching for something else entirely this image came up and my jaw dropped. I just fell in love with her, I think she is beautiful, and she spoke to me deeply. Can you imagine sailing into the harbor and coming upon her? I would be so delighted I would be beside myself. I hope someone can help me find more information about her.

We live in a world where not only is skinny considered beautiful, and the only way to be healthy, and obesity is certainly a crisis, but I am a large woman myself, not as large as the statue woman, but large enough that it has been a trial all my life, from when I was just a little overweight after having my babies to when I gained more weight over the years. I believe much of it is due to a sedentary lifestyle mainly caused by being on a lot of medication for my mental health. I have tried and tried and I am still trying. I have been on every diet you can name. I got a stationary bike in January that I hope to use more now that my depression is lifting a little, but the truth is this, I am a plus size woman in a world where being one is abhorrent, and I know, as surely as I know anything to be true, that if I don’t love myself — heart, mind, body and soul — as I am right now, then nothing else matters. I have tried so long and hard for so many years I am weary from it. I want to love myself right now. I am a woman who suffers from major clinical depression, a severe anxiety disorder, PTSD, agoraphobia, and the cherry on top of the cake is bipolar disorder AND YET you can’t see those things. What you can see is a woman standing before you who is a “larger woman” and people don’t mind all the mental health issues half as much as they mind the overweight part.

I no longer long to be thin, I’m not going to be, it simply is not my body type, although I would like to lose some weight and be as healthy as I can be but I know that my best self in every possible way will only be achieved if I love myself now, and celebrate and sing myself along the way.

Something hit me like a ton of bricks a few weeks ago. My dear friend Noni shared it on her facebook page. You can see it on the original page here. It made me cry when I read it because it is true of me. This is what it said…

“One day, all your children will have is pictures of you.
Make sure you’re in them. No matter what your hair
looks like, your makeup or your body, they won’t care
about any of that, they’ll just want to see you.”

I actually broke down sobbing when I first read this because I am a ghost. I am the grandmother who never wants her picture taken because she is plump as a partridge and I “don’t want to be remembered that way.” I am also still paralyzed from the severe case of Bell’s Palsy I got in 1995 that never completely went away so my face/mouth/smile is lopsidedish. I am very self conscious about it. You see it when I smile and especially when I talk. I want so much to be close to my family but when we’re all together I just want to sink into the woodwork. I am the only one that isn’t thin. Nobody else is an ounce overweight. I am more than an ounce overweight, and you will seldom if ever find me in a picture. That is going to change. I may be the plump grandmother but I am one who loves them so dearly with my whole heart and soul nothing matters more to me than them. I AM GOING TO BE IN THE DAMNED PICTURES, PLUMP AND ALL!!! I’m 63, I’m not getting any younger, and I want them to remember that I was actually there, loving them and being with them. There is nothing more important to me now.

I shared the above-linked page on Facebook as I was writing this. It is just so important and it is true for many people who are not overweight but have other things that they are shy about. Look around you people, none of us know how long we will be here, if I have one message that I think is so important it is this and I’m going to ask you to go to Facebook and share that page, because you don’t know how many people are sad and suffering and wish they could be in the pictures like everyone else but something is holding them back. If you share it and help even one person you will be my hero. The holidays will be here before we know it and I’m going to BE in the Christmas pictures this year, and on every other occasion when we are all together. Fat or thin I will be there and I will be beaming with love just because I am with them all. Help somebody else get in the pictures too. Share this post, share that Facebook page, whatever might help.

Yes, big is beautiful. I am beautiful and I am overflowing with so much love there is a river of love around me! And yes this post is about happiness because this experiment is about the search for happiness and by God I may never be thin but I’m damned well gonna be happy, one way or t’other, I am going to find my way.

Love yourself. That’s where it begins. Not tomorrow or next week or next year or when ______________. Love yourself now, and BE IN THE DAMNED PICTURES!

With more love than I know how to express…

 


The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: 
Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project

“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda

 

If you enjoy this blog a donation would be deeply appreciated to help me continue to bring “Maitri’s Heart” to you. Thank you, and many deep blessings to one and all…

Comments

  1. Paula Brown says:

    Maitri, you ARE beautiful. Your love and caring glows. You are unique and special and your spirit just gets inside people and just makes them smile.

    How could anyone ever tell you
    you were anything less than beautiful
    How could anyone ever tell you
    You were less than whole
    How could anyone fail to notice
    That your loving is a miracle
    How deeply you’re connected to my soul

    This is my favorite hymn. I don’t know who wrote it or when it was written but I love it. You are one of those people who truly does “connect” with one’s soul. I love my soul sisters. My grandmother was a large woman and when she hugged you it was a full body experience and it felt like you were so loved and to protected and so safe. I wish I could just hug you and giggle with you and see your cattywampus smile. You are special and don’t let anyone tell you different. You bet you should be in those pictures. My mom hated to have her picture taken. I realzed after I lost her that I wish I had more pictures. Beauty is NOT skin deep as they say. Beauty comes from deep deep within. You got it honey. Let it shine….. Sending you a big big hug and know I’m smiling….. Love ya gal!!!!!

    • Thank you so much sweet Paula, I so appreciate everything you had to say and I love you so much. And grandmothers, oh…. My precious grandmother Mae was a little woman, by that I mean not much more than 5′, she was Irish through and through, she was a roly poly plump little thing with wiry hair that went everywhere and the most beautiful blue eyes I’d seen in my whole life till this day. So big and so blue. And I loved her more than anyone in my whole life when I was young. And I thought she was beautiful, actually absolutely darling. And pictures of her meant so much and now since the fire I don’t have any old photographs anymore. So yes! I am sending you a great big grandmotherly hug, and I love you to pieces, and thank you for the beautiful hymn, it meant a lot to me. And thank you for being here. Your friendship means the world to me… <3

  2. oh maitri, this is SO MOVING. i guess what comes to mind is the saying
    LIVE LARGE. be out there. be fully your big talented creative loving nurturing
    wise self.

    this is a terrific blog. inside out and all around

    xo
    ka

    • Thank you so much dear darling Ka, your words made me smile ear to ear. I’m so glad you liked it. This 365 day project is going to be very good for me. Not always easy to get a post done each day but very important for me. Something is going to come of this, I just know it, but I don’t have to know what it is right now, I just have to show up and write everyday. And I am, and I will. Onwards and Upwards! 😀

  3. I’m just reading the book Body Positive Power from Megan Crabbe at the moment. The writer is a young lady who has suffered from eating disorders for years. This book, written by a woman who is so much jounger than me, is an eye-opener. We, as women, large or thin, healthy or not, have a right to take “our space” in this world! We have a right to be seen an heard! It’s a very long way and by no means easy. I struggle with it every single day! But maybe we just have to be bold and confident like the statue and don’t give a damn about what society dictates us to be.

    • Yes Christina! That’s JUST IT! We don’t have to give a damn what society thinks. We just have to live our lives as fully and with as much love as we possibly can, be there with and for our people that we love, AND BE IN THE DAMNED PICTURES!!! Let’s do it girlfriend! 😀

  4. Hear, hear!
    It’s taken me soooo many years to love myself with all flaws, curves, and sags. In time I took stock of each of my features, pronounced them good, and went on. Of course, it wasn’t that simple but I’m at a point in my life, finally, that I am quietly bubbling within myself that I am LOVED, truly LOVED, just the way I am. No change required.

    • Marge! No change required indeed! And you know the people that are “my people” are the soft (in body, mind and spirit) and gentle grandmotherly types. We are women who have LIVED lives, seen things, gained wisdom and knowledge you can only gain by living decades on this earth, who know love and loss and heartache and heartbreak and what it’s like to be broken but to continue on in the face of everything anyway. You are one of my people, I’m so glad you’re here with me. Thank you so much and bless you honey…

  5. You go girl! Well done! x

    • Thank you so much Jenny, I appreciate that so much. I hope you have a day full of peace and ease, love and joy, at least moments of joy, celebrate them, sing them! I am sending you love and a great big hug!

  6. The statue is called Yolanda and made by the artist Miriam Lenks. It is situated in the south part of Germany. You can find more about it at https://www.suedkurier.de/region/Bodman-Ludwigshafen~bilder/Skulptur-Yolanda-im-Hafen-von-Bodman;cme1340244,9911627. But it is all in German! You also find more if you google on the artists name.
    Margaretha

    • OH MARGARETHA!!!! THANK YOU!!! I searched and searched and came up with all kinds of statues there in Germany, yes, on Lake Constance, but I could not find her to save my soul and it was driving me crazy! I am so delighted, I can’t wait to go look it up and see what else I can find now that I know the artist! Oh gee you have made me so happy! I love you honey!

      *3 kisses* and more and more! 😀

      • Just wanted to say thank you for sharing, she is gorgeous. And now to see she ins right over here! Made me smile all over

        • Silke, are you in Germany? 😀 I would love to be able to see her in person. I just put an update at the top of the post a second ago because my friend Margaretha from Sweden FOUND out who the statue and artist are. The statue is named Yolanda and the artist is Miriam Lenk. I put a link there to an article about them. I am so happy to have found it! Thanks for dropping in and saying hello!

    • I read it! Google translated it to English! I am beside myself I am so happy, thank you so much Margaretha! I am going to put an update at the top of this post with the link. People need to know more about Yolanda. I wish I could have a little statue of her for my home!

      I’m hugging you REAL BIG!!!!

  7. You gorgeous woman, you. <3

    P.S. One of the most healing things I say to myself about my body type is "This is the size I come in." Somehow, that strips all the judgement out of it for me. This is my size. I am gorgeous. Full stop. 🙂

    • Oh thank you so much Effy! And I love that! “This is the size I come in!” I am going to remember that and USE it! I adore you. And YES! You ARE gorgeous. Ain’t no doubt about that. And thank you again and again and again for the September challenge. It led me into this project and it is so good for me to be doing this. I love you dearly… 🙂

  8. I prefer to think of you as snuggly.

  9. Amy Nutzell says:

    Oh my dear Maitri how I identify with this! For most of my married life I was not in pictures. Due to my Lupus and my meds I was a very obese person and my inlaws never wanted me in photos which made me more self conscious. Over a period of 40 years and 2 children there are less than a dozen photos with me and my family or with my children. It’s only been since selfies I’ve begun to take photos of my husband and myself. My children while going thru photos thought I was absent at weddings and such- when in actuality I was told not to be in the photos. Other photos I was the photographer. I lost weight and look good for my daughter’s wedding and yet have no photos of her and I together. It’s still hurts me to the core of my being- yet there are dozens of pictures of her and her mother in law. It has made me feel very ugly and unloved – unvalued. I have finally worked thru those feelings of unworth. I am beautiful, worthy and I love the skin I am in! Big is beautiful too and I own it proudly and when I get stares I boldly ask- what is your problem?! I don’t take crap from anyone anymore- life is too short!

    • Oh Amy, this broke my heart. To have someone not want you in pictures? That is so cruel and wrong. I’m so glad that you are feeling good about yourself now and are taking the selfies. Life is short and passes all too quickly. We need to leave a record that we were here. And I think you are beautiful. Smile your beautiful smile mama and TAKE those pictures! We ALL love to see you! Blessings and a big hug to you… <3

  10. Teresa Myszka says:

    WhY are women so critical of themselves? Everyone I know finds fault with something about themselves, my self included. Men arent like that. Eveb if they dont like something about themselves they dont make it the focal point of who they are. I rarely allowed myself be photographed, i was never happy with the way i looked in pictures. On August 7 2015 it all changed…i was diagnosed with cancer. The treAtments caused massive weight loss, along with other side effects like hair loss. Now I had a genuine reason not to be photographed, and everyone never questioned me. Then one day my grandkids came to me and asked if they could tape me speaking because they wanted to always have a memory of me, and since I wouldn’t allow pictures they thought perhaps I would allow my voice to be saved. That was my wake up call! They don’t care what I look like…fat, skinny, bald, hairy…they don’t judge me…i judge me…what a fool I’ve been. No one sees me the way I see myself, no one judged me the way I judge myself. I’m loved for me…now I’m in every picture I’m asked to be in …i even ask for pictures to be taken. By the way the hair grew back thicker than ever, some of the weight returned…the cancers still here….but so am I…making memories.

    • Oh Teresa, what an amazing commentary on the way things just ARE. It touched me so deeply to read that they wanted to tape your voice, bless their hearts. I’m glad you are here, such a beautiful spirit. I know they will love having pictures with you in them. I love you so much honey, thank you so much for sharing… <3

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