I have been sitting with this for a week, starting and stopping, getting scared, and, finally, sinking deeply into it. I have walked into the river of uncertainty and found that I can swim, or at least stay afloat. The work that I felt that I was supposed to, was meant to commit to, kept shape-shifting, but I always came back to this. I asked myself the question, “What is the core desire, the deepest longing I have, what do I really hope the outcome of my work will be?” And it has always been the same.
I want to help men and women. I want to help others embrace all of who they are, not just what they consider their best qualities or “the pretty parts,” I want them to embrace it all. And I want to embrace others who, for whatever reason, have felt, in one way or another, for most of their lives, like they were on the outside looking in, like they never fit in. It has become my mantra…
“Never fit in?
Come FIT OUT with me.”
That is the core of my work. Fitting Out. And my own reason for fitting out in the world has kept me from diving into this work as I’ve wanted to, has held me back, but I will not accept that stance any longer.
My deepest fear has been that, being bi polar, I would start this work and then hit hard bi polar times and not be able to step up to the plate when it mattered. I have been terrified to begin and not be able to carry through. But historically that theory just doesn’t hold water. Yes, I have bad days and hard times, but I am one of the most deeply committed, hard working people I know, even if there are times when I cannot work they are short lived and I make up for it working long days because I am just so in the work and love it so deeply and dearly.
I had a conversation with my dear Business Strategist and Coach whom I have committed to working with the next six months. She is incredible, Dr. Rachna Jain. We’ve only just begun and in two sessions she has taken me fathoms deep in the understanding of how this can both be a business and a way to help others in the world, how yes, I can support myself and, further, not just do a little good but devote my life to what I feel is a movement, something that can gather steam over the years ahead and change lives. Work that I can do for the rest of my life, as long as I’m able, and see it grow and grow and grow. The Outsider Institute has a fire in its belly, it has a will to live, it needs to be born, and I’m ready to give birth to it. I couldn’t do it without Rachna because what has held me back have been the scary bits about the business aspect of things. I am not unlike many creatives who live so far in that side of the brain that the practical, logistical, business side of things get lost in the shuffle. I have started so many things and watched them slip away simply because I could not grasp and implement the things that were needed to see my dream into reality. And, in the months ahead, The Outsider Institute will open it’s doors to both men and women. There will be a forum to provide a safe haven, discussion, and support. There will be eBooks and eCourses. It will all begin with The Outsider’s Toolkit which I am creating now which members will get when joining, and it will be a community in which I am deeply and personally involved with the members.
This past Wednesday during our second session I expressed one of my deepest fears to Rachna. We were talking about me doing one-on-one work with people which is surely something I am both qualified to do and feel there could be a need for and an important part of my work. But, I told Rachna, it terrified me because I was afraid that if I set up a session with someone and was having a bad bi polar time and couldn’t do it, well, what would happen? The chances of it happening are there but probably not often, but still. Rachna said to me, “Maitri, if we had a session scheduled and I was sick, had a really bad cold, or the flu, say, and I had to call you and say, ‘Maitri, I’m really sick, do you mind if we reschedule?’ how would you respond?” to which I immediately, without pausing, said, “Oh, I would want you to take care of yourself. Of course we would reschedule, no problem.” You see where she was going, and she was right. On the off chance that such a thing should happen, the kind of people I would work with would understand. Further, she said, the whole purpose of your work is embracing people fitting out, and you have been very open about your situation. If they have come to you they will know this, and still know what you have to offer, and understand. This all sounds simple, and probably ridiculously obvious to most people, but it wasn’t to me. In that moment my whole world opened up and The Outsider Institute became a reality.
I will be blogging frequently about the progress of the Institute, and what will be coming, and in a month or so details about how to join will be coming out. Too I will continue sharing my own journey with it all in the hopes that others who have dreams that remain earthbound due to fears can see that with help, determination, and a commitment to stay the course, no matter what, all dreams are achievable. I truly believe this. I am not afraid to be vulnerable. I am not afraid to share how afraid I am, even in the midst of the excitement, plans, and expansion of the work, yes, I will share it all. You can grow towards the opening with me and in each post understand, more deeply, what this work and this place is all about. My heart is opening wide like the gorgeous lilies that are bursting into bloom all around me now. Just yesterday the first of the fifty ‘Casa Blanca’ oriental lilies that I planted this year opened and I was just in awe as I held it up to the sun and took in it’s powerful perfume.
With love and care we can all open up and the immense power that we all hold inside can be released into the world like the fragrance of the lily bringing our gifts out into the light of day. We can all change the world, more, we are all meant to. One of the reasons that The Outsider Institute is so important to me is that I want people to see this, to fully realize it, and to get on with it. We’ve no time to waste. The sands of the hourglass are moving swiftly and these days pass all too quickly. The time is now.
I will sit with you, if you will sit with me
We are different, but we are family…
P.S. I would love to give you the free eBook that I wrote, Embracing Fitting Out When You Never Really Fit In. Just sign up for my mailing list, you will see the sign-up form at the top of the right-hand column, and you will get a link to download the eBook. I would love to have you as part of my tribe!