It’s The Going Ahead That Matters…

WeepingWillow7.15

“After all, I reflected, much in life seems to have no tangible result, just as many roads we follow have no ending. But it isn’t necessary always to have a useful practical result. It’s the going ahead that matters.” ~ Gladys Taber

It is the first of September, we are in the subtle shift from summer to fall, and my system seems to have slowed down to nearly a halt. I have been trying to update this blog for 2 weeks and every time I came back to it I would sit awhile, slump in my chair, and back out of the screen. I wanted to write a new post but as the old saying goes my get up and go got up and went. My best friend reminds me that I always have a slump at the change of the seasons, mostly around summer, and this summer was rough coming in and heading out. I think it’s time to paint again but my work table is in such a state of disarray I don’t know how to make the space. I have been working on the next issue of Pastiche, which I love, hence books, and papers, and whatnots crowd the space save the area in front of the computer about 2′ wide and 18″ deep. I live in my space fully from eating, having coffee, making notes, writing, working on Pastiche, and painting when I’m painting. I need to spread out. My brain is squished I am so hemmed in. My ex-husband told me years ago that wherever I work ends up looking like the cockpit of an airplane, barely room to sit with everything I need within arm’s reach. This is great for working in an intense working phase but the rest of the time it makes me nervous and uneasy, but as my get up and go seems to have taken off I can’t seem to get it cleaned up. But I will, I will. One piece at a time.

I painted the weeping willow above in July, I just love it, it is cool and green and fills me with a sense of peace. I feel that when I am painting. When I get in a stuck and cluttered place in my mind when words won’t come switching over so that I am in my hands rather than my head goes miles to help me get back on track. And finally, as Taber says, it’s the going ahead that matters. I have to figure out how to get going again in any direction at all. Lining words up like bricks that form the foundation of the house, or gliding across a canvas with paint, either one, will get me moving, but how to make myself begin? Therein lies the rub.

I finished the first issue of Pastiche 3 weeks early and sent it out to nearly 40 people so now, as it is the original publication date today, with the next issue due on November 1 I am miles ahead of where I need to be. I have 28 pages of the 60 done so I think I might make the November issue a bigger than usual Holiday issue. That will put me back on track for the January issue. The lovely thing about doing Pastiche is that I can pick it up and put it down because each individual page stands alone so that now with so much time ahead of me I can do several pages one day and none the next 2 or 3 days. Now I am finding my way and trying to find a balance. Bipolar days run more smoothly when I am in a better state of balance, but keeping on keeping on is the key, one way or t’other.

Summer is the hardest time of the year for me mainly because of the heat but I have just realized that as with the holiday season when things are different because of days off and special days to celebrate and kids out of school and people’s work schedules changing here and there it is harder for me to stay on the even keel that I do when the bulk of the days are the same as they go by. I know where people are in their lives and work and where I am and I can count on a greater sense of equanimity which my bipolar nature needs to feel stable. Summer I am thrown off by an extreme, greater than normal, sensitivity to the heat + living in this southern coastal area where the heat is in the hundred degree range with over 100 temps with the humidity. And then summer when kids are out of school and people are vacationing here, there, and everywhere at whatever times makes me feel off kilter. It is odd to say that but it’s true. With the coming of fall just around the corner I begin to breathe easier, to have a greater sense of ease.

It is September now so I know that in 3 weeks time autumn will be here. As Keats wrote, “Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness…” It is the loveliest time of the year to me. My body reacts seasonally to the changes but this time, with the last of the heat — it is a hot one again today — and the last leg of summer, there is promise of the fall days to come. I am ready, I am relieved, and I am grateful. I will count the days until the leaves turn golden, begin to cover the ground, and to wake up that first morning with a chill in the air, that is what I live for.

I will wake up grateful for something in each day, and I will hold on, and I will keep on keeping on, inching forward through the days come what may, it is indeed the going ahead that matters, so on I go.

Happy September everyone, enjoy these last summer days and the coming of the golden days of autumn…

MaitriSz4.4.16.09

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Comments

  1. The shift from summer to fall is always a time when I breathe deeply and settle more easily into work. I can picture you feeling the change in the air and inside, hearing the call to write, then staring at the screen. Now that my partner’s twin and sister-in-law have started their journey back to Australia, I will have more time to focus on work than I have since we picked them up in Vancouver on May 17. Right now a piece of my heart has not yet found its way back and is traveling with them. But I am ready to re-embrace the solitude that allows me to work so loved the “Thoughts on Solitude…” in the first Pastiche. Thank you for that.

    • You are so welcome dear Cathryn and thank you so much for subscribing and stopping in to share yourself with me here. I can’t imagine having guests for that long though I know it is a cherished time for you. Here’s to diving back into writing and the solitude that surrounds it. Sending you love dearheart….

      Maitri <3

  2. “and the seasons they go round and round
    and the painted ponies go up and down
    we’re captive on a carousel of time.,,,” joni mitchell

    season to season, year to year, thru doubt and with joy, creating beauty,
    sharing what it is to be human —

    carry on, dear sister! — we journey together

    xo
    ka

  3. Funny how we all react so differently to the changing of the seasons….while fall is beautiful , I always struggle with it because I can’t help but think about what is to come; I hate, loathe, and despise winter and begin to dread it with the turning of the first leaf. Every year I say to myself,”this year I’ll enjoy autumn for itself and not waste it pouting”, but THIS will truly be that year! Thanks for your inspiring words…I’m on the road to an autumn full of joy and fulfillment, and I hope that you are too!

    • Ah Lynne,

      I love winter, hunkering down, cozying up, hot drinks and good books, snuggling with pugs, I just love it all. We don’t have snow here on the coast, or rarely, and I really miss the snow and colder weather, but we do have our share of cold and I just love it. I have more energy and happier moods over the fall and winter and spring too but I’m more an autumn person than a spring. I hope you can enjoy the season, and make a list of all of the things you DO like about winter and revel in them and celebrate them to help get you through the days. It may help dearheart…

      Love,

      Maitri

  4. It’s been so very hot here in Texas that I can’t wait until what I call “sweat suit weather”. Everything look brighter and happier and I can skip again. (Oh, how I wish I could really skip again. ) I have just found your site and look forward to reading it in the future.

    • Ah, Le, I call it sweater weather here, all the same, and I look very forward to it. Lordy these hot summers nearly do me in. Here’s to being bright and happy and skipping across the land….. (At least in our dreams.) 🙂

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