Christmas Eve

(I am listening to George Winston’s December album as I write, the perfect, poignant music to go with this piece…)

It is Christmas Eve, a quiet day for me. But this evening Rachel is coming over for an early evening, dinner, and we are going to watch one of our favorite Christmas movies, “Love Actually.” She wants to get home early because she has presents to wrap and has to get her house ready. Everyone comes to Rachel’s house for Christmas, and her brother, his wife, and their baby will be staying with her this week. The out-of-towners and their children, all the little ones, 18 months, nearly 3 and nearly 6, will be in tomorrow, Christmas Day, and my grandson Lucas, 13, Rachel’s son, is here. I am so excited. I look forward to this all year long. And this Christmas this is what I want to remember, all the children and the grandchildren together for Christmas. They are coming to a time when although they have always come home for Christmas they might like to stay in their own homes, or go to the other side of the family to be fair. This feels like a Christmas I must celebrate as fully and with as much joy as I can because I want to make these memories that I can sew on my heart to always have close. If we are, for some reason, not all together next Christmas I will have had this one.

It’s hard, getting older. Things change, people who were once so dear are no longer here. Relationships change, children grow up, the landscape of the holidays shifts, but this year we will all be together and it nearly makes me cry sitting here thinking, realizing, that it may not always be so, but how much of our lives do we lose being stuck in the past or projecting into the future? This is where mindfulness comes in again. Be Here Now. Enjoy this moment, treasure it, hold it close, kiss and cuddle the babies, hold your adult children close, hug them tight, cherish every moment. That’s what I intend to do this Christmas. We have had some changes in our family this year that makes Christmas especially poignant, but we will hold on to each other with so much love and we will let the joys of the season fill our hearts with gladness.

Something else to remember, while these precious times are still here, and we know they are fleeting, we should be cultivating new ways to spend the holidays, new little things that make the season special even if our dear ones are not all here. And especially if you have to celebrate the day alone. Make special food just for you, play music that lifts your heart, Christmas or otherwise, have some old favorite movies lined up to watch and then treat yourself and watch movies on the day. This year, tonight in fact, I will be doing something I have never done before. After Rachel leaves my darling friend Bekah and I are going to Skype and wrap Christmas presents together! What fun! I always plan to have the gifts wrapped WAY in advance, ha ha ha, but then it always comes to Christmas Eve and I am wrapping at the 11th hour! Tonight I will have a dear friend to chat with as we wrap. We can do this kind of thing during the holidays too, Skype and share with a friend. I’m telling you I never wanted to Skype, I was always too shy, but since I started Skyping with Bekah every week and we’ve had so much fun it’s something I want to do more of. I am mostly a homebody, I rarely leave my house, but I have friends all over the world now and lead a rich and satisfying life with these treasured friends. Messaging or emailing is nice, phone calls are lovely, but Skyping is such an amazing thing I just can’t tell you. You are really there with each other. It is intimate, you are very present with each other. I really want to do more of this in 2018.

And though it is very hard for me to leave my house I know that another thing I want to cultivate in coming holiday seasons are things that I can do for others. I may not be up to doing what some friends do that I deeply admire, serving Christmas dinner to homeless people and others in need on Christmas, but there is SO much you can do, so many organizations big and small, that do beautiful things for others at Christmas, for people who otherwise wouldn’t have a Christmas. And raising money for animal shelters and sending items for the animals, that is something too. As I wrote when I spoke about the joy of the birds and squirrels at the feeders — I’ve been watching them all day with deep delight and just ran out awhile ago to put more food out for the squirrels — when we can reach outside ourselves during hard lonely times, we are lifted up even as we help others, be it the wildlings outside, a homeless shelter, families that wouldn’t otherwise have a Christmas, or the many charities around the world. What if instead of simply donating — which is huge and a wonderful thing to do — you found a way to get more actively involved in a charity either locally or online? These are things I think about this Christmas Eve, things that I want to cultivate so that I am never feeling lost and alone at Christmas. There’s simply too much to do in the world to ever end up that way. Isn’t that right?

And now dear ones I must move on to other things that need doing today before my darling Rachel gets here. It is a dark overcast day here, kind of gloomy, but I haven’t let that get me down. I have lit the trees and Christmas lights all over the house, I have a candle burning next to me. I texted all of my children to tell them I love them and am looking so forward to seeing them tomorrow, and I have sat for long, quiet spells watching the Christmas tree lights reflecting in the studio windows even as the birds and squirrels kept coming and going on the other side of the glass. There is so much in the world to bring one joy if we live with our hearts wide open, there are so many things that we can do to spread joy ourselves, and yes, as I always say…

Each one, reach one, and love, always love…

Let’s remember that this Christmas and in the coming year. I wish you so much joy, I send you so much love…

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