best friends

First of all, I want to say two things. I have two best friends, and both of these people have been with me twenty years or more. Our relationships have been — and I am absolutely not overstating the point — at times, life-saving for me, many times over. These are real, in person friends. One is my darling Noni whom I have written about many times here, and my other friend, whom I don’t write about as often but have written about, is my soul-friend, like a brother, Jeff, whom I talk to nearly every single day, sometimes twice or more each day, he and I have shared so much there is no way to list it all, and Noni and I have been friends from the time our young children were getting to know one another in homeschooling groups and now they are all parents with children of their own. These are the friends that surpass all others, “friend” is so inadequate a word that I wish I had something better, but there you go. Jeff and Noni are part of me in a way that can’t be separated out from the fabric of my being, in fact, I’m not sure I would know how to go on without either of them. Last night Noni was here and Jeff called and she said, “Be sure to tell Jeff…” and I did while we were all together, partly in person and partly on the phone, but all together, all of a piece. And so it is.

Jeff was with me before I left my marriage, 20 years ago. He has literally moved me so many times, all my stuff, tenderly caring for my things and storing them filling his house and attic with my books and more, that, well, I have lost count how often it all happened. I will say that no one, bar none, knows me like Jeff does in this whole wide world. More than Noni even, more than my children, my ex-husband, my parents, NO one knows me the way Jeff does. The whole me, the real me. It is so rare I think few people experience it in a lifetime. And recently he went on keto because of me. He has had such scary health problems he literally could have died. This week he has come twice to bring me amazing keto food that he has cooked. And Noni went on keto because of me and she has serious R.A. (Rheumatoid arthritis) and was so crippled with pain she could barely turn a door knob. She is nearly pain-free and has lost 19 pounds in about 20 days. Our lives are changing, together. This is what friends do. And oh my God there is so much more.

Most of you who have been with me have read about Noni and I. In the summer of 2016 Noni and I started cooking together on Saturday nights. I am divorced, she is separated, and our children are adults with lives of their own. We started cooking together on Saturday nights and before long we were practically spending the whole weekend together. She came for dinner on Friday night after work. Came over Saturday after work, and spent the night, and had coffee Sunday morning, went to work for the afternoon and then usually came back for dinner. She was also raising her granddaughter whom she had to pick up Sunday night but Noni and I spent whole weekends together for a year and a half. Friends, not lovers, we became family to one another. And in many more ways than I’m sure I know, it saved my life.

By the end of October Noni had a number of shifts in her life, health issues, family issues, and more. We were not able to get together. By mid-November my own family had issues that needed my attention. We certainly did not grow apart but our weekends curtailed for the time being. Only recently, after 3 months, have we been able to get together a night or two each month. But the amazing thing is that during the year and a half Noni was here every weekend I was so dangerously depressed it was uncertain how I would manage at all. My daughter was here for me constantly, Noni was here every weekend, they helped me get by. God, I have no idea what I would have done without Noni. And when things changed, when I was doing world’s better, and her family needed her and my family needed me I was well enough to get by. And my Jeffy has been here right along. And I am still here today because of all of them — my daughter Rachel, Noni, and Jeff.

This week, because I’ve nearly been starving myself, Jeff has brought me the most gorgeous food twice, had someone come and take care of my yard which was a frightening mess, and kept me steady through daily phonecalls. Noni, who can’t be here much, was here last night, we had a fabulous time, the best dinner, binge-watched “Grace and Frankie” and for a rare weekend was here for morning coffee today. She is even coming back soon to help me get things straight here in the studio so I can start recording videos here this week. We have done a lot for each other this weekend, kind of catching up, and then she has to go back into her unbelievably busy life and it will be awhile before we can get together again but we will text frequently and stay in touch. And Jeff and I will stay very close. And on I will go with my life. And of course my darling daughter Rachel and I are always in touch. She was here Friday night and called as I was writing this. She is my only one of 3 children that actually lives here, but I am expecting a Sunday FaceTime with my son Aaron in Atlanta and baby grandson any minute. I am so richly blessed. (And I talked to my eldest precious daughter Jenny yesterday.)

So here I am. These are the people who shore me up, who make my life what it is at its core, who center me and anchor me and sustain me so that I can be here with all of you. My online friends are so dear to me but we need the ones we can touch and kiss and hug and eat with and whisper to. My Jeffy and my Noni are these people. My children are my deepest heart connections, my pugs are my daily, in person, forever (and, I hope, ever and ever and ever until we meet across the Rainbow Bridge in the next life eons from now) and always sweethearts, and these are the precious people and beings that make my life as a human on the planet worth living and sustainable. Today I had to share them with you. I am overcome with love for them and with gratitude. There simply are no words.

And so I will let that be where I stop today, and I am sorry because these words are so inadequate, but without these people there would be no life for me, none that I can imagine. To know about them is to better understand me, and so I have shared them with you. For today, that is enough.