I think the weather has begun to get to me.
I did not sleep well last night and woke up anxious and ill at ease in my body. The last couple of days I have been down, much more down than I have been in some time. I am teary. We have had rain for days and rain is predicted every single day for the rest of the week. I feel queasy. I have therapy today which will be good but I am feeling very uneasy about leaving the house.
It’s the kind of day that I want to hunker down under a soft blanket with the pugs and not move. I feel afraid.
It rained so much, so hard over the weekend by Sunday night I felt near despair. I had to write a story to send to Katya and was shocked by the story that I wrote. It was very dark. It was a story about an artist who had a recurring dream that if she left her apartment she would die. The dream — you didn’t know it was a dream until the end — was about being in a taxi in a storm and the taxi careened off a bridge. As she knew she was about to die she woke up, realized it was a dream, and knew, then, that she could not leave her apartment, ever. While I am agoraphobic I do leave the house when I have to and the last 2 weeks had to leave the house daily due to emergencies and appointments. Perhaps it took a toll. I was very disturbed by the story I wrote. I get very uneasy to leave the house but I don’t fear dying if I have to. Today, however, is one of the hard ones. I am crying now as I sit here writing.
I wish I could write a better blog post but it is not possible today. The darkness all around me is weighing me down so heavily I am struggling much harder than I have in awhile.
Do accept my apologies. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.
The Experiment ~A 365 Day Search For Truth, Beauty &
Happiness: Day 1 ~ Introduction To The Project
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
Yoda
