It is not possible for me to share anything other than what I am experiencing right now.
I come in from outdoors where every single photograph I take are so full of the Angel’s presence it is almost a pink cloud around me and everywhere I walk through the gardens and woods this is what I saw. It is a holy place, and I believe it has come at a time when I have so deeply committed to this work that I am doing that I am being helped, supported, protected, and strengthened so that I might be of service to others. I have prayed since I was young, “Dear God, use me as a channel for your peace, love, light, hope, and joy.” The day that the prayer changed to “I am ready to be used as a channel…” I knew that something had shifted. My heart has opened like the thousand petals of the lotus flower. I feel aglow inside.
I just finished an hour long chanting session. I chant with Amma, the beautiful Hindu saint who has been recognized around the world for her tremendous love and unbelievable miracles, her selfless love, compassion, and global charities. She is referred to as the hugging saint because she hugs everyone, millions of people by now. Amma means mother. When asked how she can travel non stop and do all that she does Amma says, “Where there is true love, anything is effortless.”
And I pray to Mary, and wear her Miraculous Medal made by a beautiful soul who is an angelic being herself, and I sit in silence and chant and meditate and pray. I recite the prayer to Mary ongoing throughout the day. I pray that I may be of service, do good work, and through my work and the income that flows in help others.
I pray, I write, I draw, I spend time with my animals, and I know, now more than ever, why I came to live this life of solitude. It is from this place that I am meant to do this work. There is such grace here now, in each moment, when every breath is a miracle, when the students I am working with bless me so very deeply by being present, and open, and they are so beautiful. I think my most important work is to greet each student as they come with unconditional love, to support them, to bring a light to shine on their deepest concerns, to use the tools I have learned, built, spiritual tools and teachings that have been transmitted to me, gifts of kindness, acceptance, knowledge, and the journey of living and healing through six decades, and the greatest gift is to have come to know what my sacred path is, why I am here, what my work is meant to be, and to fully embrace it. Every day is a miracle because it is another day I can do this work that is palpable grace.
As I write here my little ones come to me. I lean over and place my hand on them. I do Reiki with each of the pugs everyday. They each have issues, either physical or emotional, from the abuse that they came with. I feel them relax against my open hand, lean into it, I feel their little heart beating and I breathe with them, into them, and let their pure energy flow back into me. It is a simultaneous healing.
I go outside and carry food to put on the other side of the 6′ fence so the dogs can’t get to it. It is freezing cold now and the squirrels and all manner of little ones need food. I keep a dozen feeders filled for the wild birds and make sure they have fresh water. Most of the work that I do in my life no one will ever know about and this is as it should be. The most sacred work that we do is that which goes unseen, unnoticed, for which there is no praise, it is in these moments when the soul is in its purest state that we are most deeply fed. We go forward with a full cup and have something to offer to others. We must continue to come back to the well to drink again and again and again. This is why we pray, why we meditate, why we do our spiritual practices, whatever those might be for any individual. I honor all traditions and spiritual paths. There is no one right way, after decades of spiritual searching I have seen over and over that we all come back to the same source, and whatever vehicle you travel in to reach the Divine is the right one for you. I believe the best description of how I feel about the spiritual path are in the words of His Holiness, The Dalai Lama. He said,
There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.”
And so I believe with all my heart.
And from the spiritual to the mundane where spirit resides most touchingly in this moment, I turn to my sweet grey parrot, Miss Scarlet, who came to me a year and a half ago “Naked as a Jay Bird,” as the saying goes. She had almost no feathers at all. A lifelong plucker I wasn’t sure that she would ever grow her feathers back but now she is almost fully feathered save her chest which she may have plucked for so long that the follicles are too damaged to allow her feathers to grow in there, but she is a bright little spirit, so full of love, she sings and talks all day long (If you listen to my podcasts you will have heard her at some time or another!), and she gives me kisses and kisses and before she goes to bed at night she puts her head way down and says, “Wanna rubba head?” and she will not step up on my finger to go in her cage until I rub her head. And rub it and rub it and rub it and rub it, and I say “Okay Miss Scarlet, let’s go night-night…” and she says, “Wanna rubba head?” and tucks her head way under and makes me laugh and sometimes we continue on until my arm is about to fall off! Finally she will step up on my finger and we kiss a lot, a whole lot, and I nuzzle the soft white skin around her eye, and then kiss her one more time and put her in her cage, cover her, and turn out her lights, and this is where we have come right now. She is saying, rather plaintively, because I have been writing for a long time, “Time go night night!” And so I will stop here, as I did last night during the storm, to take care of my little bird. The little ones always come first.
(My computer just went all crazy-fied, the screen bouncing and flying in every direction and I started! Then I looked down and tiny Delilah pug had turned around and plopped her face right on the keyboard!) Everybody is ready for Mama to come on and get on with our night time routines. So here I go. This reminds me, and I am sitting here smiling, of all of the times people have said, “Don’t you get lonely living alone?” to which I always reply, “Well, I might, if I had the time…” Nine animals and family and friends in and out, and so much work to do, and students, and… No, I don’t know where I would fit lonely in. Sure, it surfaces in odd moments, but rarely. And right now, with a grey parrot and four pugs clamoring for mama to come on, Mama better!
I am off with angels and pugs and parrots and miles to go before I sleep. And this is grace, amazing grace, and this is perfect peace…